Friday, August 10, 2012

backstage at cougar bluff

Peeking behind the curtain of Monday evening's cougar showdown
reveals the less-impressive reality.

The first weapon I threatened the lion with:

(a.k.a. yellow stick)

Which explains the lion snort-of-laughter I'm pretty sure I heard.
It stared at me agog, in frozen amazement at my bizarre plan.

("Dude. I'm a MOUNTAIN LION. Not a dust bunny.")

Thus my (probably wise) retreat for Cougar Scare Part II.

Sprinting upstairs, I fling away the crap between me and Ol' Bessie,
(mostly my old park ranger clothes. note: sexy indoor-outdoor carpeting that came w/the house... rawr!)

grab my I-don't-know-if-it-works-and-totally-not-loaded shotgun,
(a.k.a. brown stick)

slip on my Cougar Intimidation Foot Technology,

(husband's old penny loafers)

leap outside, and re-boot Cougar-Insulting Profanity Stream.

Once the C.I.P.S., my bluff charges, and brown stick jabs
convince this lion it's way too cool to be seen with me,
I return to my home.

And note that I'm
my heart is pounding like I've just run a 4 minute mile.

Then feel:

I can't believe I saw that
I can't believe I did that
I can't believe it worked

And later I vow never to do that again. =)

Mostly, now, I feel so, so lucky to have seen
such an amazing animal, so clearly,
so closely, and with no harm done all 'round.

Life: it's an adventure, baby!



  1. Wow! great post, wonderful adventure, glad everyone was fine. never seen a cougar in the wild and hope to never unless it's from a much farther distance!

  2. This post makes me remember why I just loved living with you!!

    1. aw... aren't YOU the sweetie pie! =) It was very fun, I STILL think about that amazing African peanut chicken soup you'd make (amazing!!), the kitties (sweeties), and how HARD you'd work to plant annual flowers at a home that was not yours. I was amazed at all the work you'd do to see beautiful flowers, and I just thought "but, it's not my house!" You, obviously, have figured out that you DO LIVE there, and they are lovely things and make you happy, therefore are WORTH the work. =) Smarty.

  3. Too bad no one took any pictures/videos of YOU - it would be a guaranteed Youtube sensation.

  4. Oh - and my favorite parts? The Zappos box and your kitty getting in some "cougar sniffs."

  5. I'm with Sprout--now THAT would be a sight!

  6. Hilarious pair of posts! After the fact, of course.

    Make sure you have those chickens locked up every night, early, from now on. The cougar will be back.

  7. Wow! Definitely spots. Cindy always has such good info.


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