backstage at cougar bluff

Peeking behind the curtain of Monday evening's cougar showdown

reveals the less-impressive reality.

The first weapon I threatened the lion with:

(a.k.a. yellow stick)

Which explains the lion snort-of-laughter I'm pretty sure I heard.

It stared at me agog, in frozen amazement at my bizarre plan.

("Dude. I'm a MOUNTAIN LION. Not a dust bunny.")

Thus my (probably wise) retreat for Cougar Scare Part II.

Sprinting upstairs, I fling away the crap between me and Ol' Bessie,

(mostly my old park ranger clothes. note: sexy indoor-outdoor carpeting that came w/the house... rawr!)

grab my I-don't-know-if-it-works-and-totally-not-loaded shotgun,

(a.k.a. brown stick)

slip on my Cougar Intimidation Foot Technology,

(husband's old penny loafers)

leap outside, and re-boot Cougar-Insulting Profanity Stream.

Once the C.I.P.S., my bluff charges, and brown stick jabs

convince this lion it's way too cool to be seen with me,

I return to my home.

And note that I'm

sweaty

panting

&

my heart is pounding like I've just run a 4 minute mile.

Then feel:

totally

amazed

&

totally

stoked.

I can't believe I saw that

I can't believe I did that

I can't believe it worked

And later I vow never to do that again. =)

Mostly, now, I feel so, so lucky to have seen

such an amazing animal, so clearly,

so closely, and with no harm done all 'round.

Life: it's an adventure, baby!

xobb